The Weight We Carry: Breaking Up With Shame

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    There’s a weight that’s heavier than grief, louder than guilt, and stickier than regret—shame. It creeps in, quiet at first, then tries to convince you that your past, your choices, or your healing don’t fit God’s plan. And for a long time, I believed it.

    


    One thing I’ve been especially shamed for is smoking cannabis. People assume the worst without even asking why. They shake their heads while sipping beer, judging what they don’t understand. I’ve tried to explain the truth—that cannabis has real mental health benefits, that it’s helped me find peace, clarity, and focus in ways other medications never could—but most people don’t want to hear that part.

    I feel strongly that I’ve been called to help in this mental health crisis and to lead people back to God. But cannabis is still frowned upon in many churches, and trying to minister with no institutional backing, while carrying a stigma, is no easy task. Yet the calling remains—and so does my faith.

    What helped me begin releasing that shame was realizing something simple: people shame what they don’t understand. They’ll pass judgment on cannabis users while praising someone who drinks a six-pack every weekend. But I know this—God has my back. He knows my heart. And He’s the only One I answer to.

    


    In 2020, I was carrying shame like a yoke. I could barely lift my head. And one night, sometime around 2 or 3 in the morning, I woke up with this verse etched in my spirit: *John 12:46 – I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness. * It was a lifeline. A holy reminder that I wasn’t meant to live in shame. None of us are.

    The Bible isn’t about perfection. It’s about love and forgiveness. It’s about a Savior who walked into suffering without sin and still said, 'You’re worth it.' The crucifixion wasn’t metaphorical—it was brutal, real, and documented in history. He didn’t endure all that so we could live buried in shame. He died so we could be free.



A Word for the Shamed

You don’t have to abide in darkness.

There is light for you.

There is healing for you.

And there is purpose—even in your pain.

Don’t let shame keep you from the calling God has placed on your life.

You are forgiven. You are seen. You are chosen.



Reflection Prompt

What is something you’ve been carrying in silence that no longer serves you?

Write it down, pray over it, and ask God to help you release it today.

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